Are you an “Empty Nester”?

Our newly-minted empty nest is a trial to navigate, and my husband and I are working through this experience, and this shift, together.

The reality of our ‘empty nest’ seemed to arrive abruptly. Whether one is ready for this transition, we reminded ourselves – it is inevitable, and necessary.

It is life changing.

Adjusting to The Empty Nest

My daughter has worked hard and has been dedicated to her studies, throughout her educational career. She is set on a path to higher education – and toward a career plan about which she is passionate.

My husband (he is also her stepdad) and I could not be prouder. She is keen, and on a good track.

September neared, signaling her move-in date, alongside the start of first term – and time seemed to accelerate. And the day came when my husband helped my daughter to move her things into her residence unit.

The short ride to the university felt like an intractable stretch.

And when she exited the car and came around to my side of it for a hug – I held her, and I cried.

My sadness persisted for the first three weeks, but then I was able to drop her off at her residence building, with a strong and reassuring hug, and a goodbye – and with no tears.

Logically, of course, I knew that we would see her often, and that she would be home with some regularity.

I’ve reflected upon my reaction in those first weeks, following her move – and my realization that my emotional response arose from another place. Redefining my feelings, while searching inwardly, changed my perspective.

It is not sadness that I felt initially, not solely.

It was a feeling of my own raw vulnerability – partnered with my pride, and pure love for my child – and a sense of awe.

As I watched her walk from the car to the doors of her residence, there was a definiteness to it. But there was also that thrill, an elation – a certainty that she is indeed on the threshold of a new beginning.

I felt joyful.

It was in knowing that “she’s got this”.

That her foundation was solid and strong. And that it was time.

The Backdrop to Our Empty Nest Experience, and Beginning Again

The backdrop to our empty nest experience involves unforeseen circumstances, and finally reaching a workable resolution.

My daughter has a long-standing, chronic health concern.

We bonded together as a family, in our search for answers, to achieve a diagnosis, and an appropriate treatment course. In the beginning, it was like time stopped, and our lives were forced into a holding pattern. It has been an arduous and heartbreaking three-year stretch.

Her stepdad and I are proud of her for everything she has been through – and we have successfully traversed a difficult journey. She is finally on a smoother road.

My daughter is feeling well and strong, and more confident with each day – and she is again on a forward move toward her goals.

We are excited to see how her future unfolds, as it happens.

In our individual lives, and as a family unit, the last three years have provided us with challenges – but also, with the opportunity to begin again.

Embracing Change, and Opportunity, in the Empty Nest

The thing that I realized most immediately on my daughter’s first day in residence was the silence in our now empty nest.

I moved through the house then, while breathing slowly, and deeply. This is a new start, I told myself. It is a new start for all of us. We will be ok. And this will be ok.

I’ve read upon what’s been termed the “Empty Nester’s Syndrome”.

It had crossed my mind some years ago – when university life, acclimatizing to it, and any changes around it, seemed more years away.

There are positives to it, despite the challenge of the empty nest adjustment.

I recently spoke with a friend about missing my daughter, and how my husband and I were missing her, and adjusting to her absence, in those first days after she moved into her residence unit. And I reflected again upon this – and on how keen she is, to launch into her future.

My daughter is creating and shaping her own path. She is finding her way.

My husband and I are navigating these strange, yet exciting waters. We’re making and experiencing changes in our own lives. And we are again finding our place in her life, amid this transition. We’re embracing the opportunity to witness my daughter’s growth and change – and how we will inevitably grow and evolve as people – as our familial connection evolves.

We have had some growing pains in this process – and surely, there will be ups and downs to come.

When my daughter comes home each week, she is sometimes exhausted, while communicating that she is overwhelmed. But she’s making progress, and I know that she is still on the right track.

She has more responsibility – with tasks like grocery and supply shopping, cleaning, studying and time management, time for self-care and social activities. And she is determined – while experiencing life, and learning more about herself in this process, and with time.

We still resist the urge to do ‘too much’ for her – and we are careful about too quickly pronouncing our perspectives on how or why she might do things. This is a learning experience for all of us.

And I know she will come to us for emotional support, and advice. We trust, and we have faith in her, in this time of learning and so much change.

We trust in our bond.

Time Does Not Stop in The Empty Nest

What will I do with all of the time I have now?

It is time to rebuild my life, in some ways, I suppose.  

Time to re-establish myself in the workforce. Time for investigating and reconsidering hobbies and interests, for enjoying time with friends, and in our individual lives.

My husband and I are also navigating changes and opportunities in our relationship.

Forming and fostering connections and opportunities is important. And this is true for all of us, at any and all stages of our lives.

And in beginning again – there is much to be celebrated and appreciated.

Sources

https://www.drrachelglik.com/blog-posts/2023/9/4/empty-nesting-the-upsides-downsides-and-tips-for-a-fresh-start-mindset. Empty Nesting: The Upsides, Downsides and Tips for a Fresh Chapter Mindset — Dr. Rachel Glik. November 13, 2024.

https://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2022/sep/15/it-struck-me-like-a-thunderbolt-how-to-survive-empty-nest-syndrome-and-come-out-smiling. ‘It struck me like a thunderbolt’: how to survive empty-nest syndrome – and come out smiling | Parents and parenting | The Guardian. November 13, 2024.

https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/empty%20nester. Merriam Webster Dictionary. November 13, 2024.

https://www.mayoclinichealthsystem.org/hometown-health/speaking-of-health/how-you-can-enjoy-the-empty-nest. The Mayo Clinic Health System. November 13, 2024.